Review: “My Bloody Valentine 3D”

January 31, 2009 at 4:59 pm 1 comment

I don’t like slasher movies.  It’s not because I can’t handle the gore or violence.  It’s because I don’t find them scary.  And most of the time they’re stupid.  While I will watch one on occasion (I’ll definitely be seeing the remake of Friday the 13th), I generally tend to avoid them.  The only reason I was interested in My Bloody Valentine 3D is because of the 3D; the movie itself doesn’t interest me in the least.  So, the question is, does the 3D make this movie worth seeing?

No.

That being said, I will admit to having a reasonably good time with this movie.  The story is nonsensical, the ending is lame, and the acting is terrible.  But, that’s what you would expect from a typical slasher movie, right?  So what did I find entertaining?  The deaths.  In the first five minutes of the movie you get a hospital full of chopped up victims with their chest cavities cracked open and body parts laying about.  For fans of slasher films that relish in the ridiculous gore, this is right up your alley.

However, the 3D doesn’t really do anything to add to the experience.  In fact, it was rather annoying.  From what I can tell, the tech messes with the focus your eyes automatically have, forcing you to focus on the image in a way that they want, not how your eyes normally do it.  For the first 15 minutes or so, it was giving me a headache.

The 3D effects themselves are OK.  They’re mostly comprised of things being flung at the screen like pickaxes, blood, and body parts.  I never really got that sensation of wanting to duck or move out of the way or anything.

What I hate about movies like these are the stupid decisions the characters make.  For example, there’s a scene where two characters are being chased by the killer throughout a grocery store.  They barricade themselves in an office, with the only other way out is a window.  So they spend precious few minutes trying to get the window unlocked so they can slip out.  While one of them dies, the other one slaps a button on the wall that triggers the alarm.  My question is, “Why the hell didn’t they hit the damn button when they first got into the room?!”  It’s moments like this where I want to slap my hand to my forehead in annoyance.

In the end , this is a movie for genre fans only.  If you’re really interested in this whole new 3D technology, there will be more (and probably better) movies coming out soon.  It’s dumb fun when watched with the right people, but there aren’t any surprises here.

5/10

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. The Cinema Hub  |  January 31, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    It was a typicall slasher flick…what would you expect! lol

    Reply

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